The Power of Empathy

It was around 2 am. My baby girl had been born 6 hours earlier. The room was mostly dark, apart from a small night light and the glow from the medical equipment in the room. She wouldn’t stop crying. My wife was in recovery mode and trying to rest, so I was doing everything I could to calm our baby down and lull her into a sleep.

Nothing was working.

I was exhausted and getting frustrated. It wasn’t her and her crying that was frustrating me; in fact, although I hated to think that she might be struggling, I loved hearing her voice.

I was frustrated because I couldn’t figure out what was wrong, and I felt like I didn’t have the tools to help my child.

Then the midwife came in to help. In three sentences she delivered the most powerful lesson in empathy I had ever received. She said — “Just remember, only 6 hours ago she learned to breathe independently. Everything, literally everything, is brand new to this little human. And that’s very overwhelming!”

That comment rocked me to my core in the most profound way. Sure, I knew she had just been born, but I never contemplated the magnitude of what experiencing life independently for the first time must have been like. I immediately felt calmer and more composed, taking the pressure off of myself.

She cried for another hour, and then finally fell asleep. She still cries, and there are still many times when I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. But that comment from the midwife was a powerful reminder of the importance of empathy, both in parenthood and in life. It reminded me that I need to stop, take a breath, and consider the situation from her perspective before I respond.

After reflecting and sharing this story with a few others, I realized that the situation also taught me to shift my mindset from “how do I get her to stop crying?” to “how do I create a space where she feels safe and comfortable enough to express her emotions?” It’s not my job, nor do I have the power, to control her emotions. It’s my job to control my emotions and to help her learn how to express her emotions in a healthy way.

Watching my daughter grow and learn has been an incredible experience. Every day she discovers something new. However, what she doesn’t realize is how much she has taught me not just about being a parent, but about life in general.